“Cool girl. Men always use that, don’t they? As their defining compliment. She’s a cool girl.” (David Fincher, 2014). Popularized in mainstream media and seen in Gillian Flynn’s bestselling novel Gone Girl, the "cool girl" has become a blueprint for a performative version of femininity designed for male consumption. As the calculating female protagonist, Amy Dunne, once famously told audiences, “Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl is fun.” (David Fincher, 2014). Marketed as a form of female agency, strength, and empowerment, “cool girl” ultimately centers male desire over her own, all while being effortlessly attractive, sexually available, emotionally low-maintenance, and sharing traditionally male-coded interests. An expert in the aesthetic masters all of this while never appearing to try too hard. What is at first glance a fun, flirtatious archetype, “cool girl” has viciously infiltrated the way that women view themselves, best described as girls that are “not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be,” (Gillian Flynn, 2012). As young women come of age and begin to explore who they are, what they like, and who they want to be, how has this destructive pull taken a hold on them? How do the wonderfully intoxicating ideas of false strength and underlying submission take form in their relationships, careers, and even fashion choices? Is “cool girl” a swift dismissal of autonomy, or a subtle undercurrent of misogyny that controls the way young women seek male validation?

“Cool girl” isn’t original—it’s just an old stereotype repackaged as trendy female empowerment. As the media industry evolves with the rise of social media platforms, shifting cultural norms still constrain women to curated identities, such as tropes like the “tomboy”, “manic pixie dreamgirl”, “girl-next-door”, and so on. This sort of archetypal rebranding has been seen across social media even more recently with the rise of the “pick me” girl: a girl who tries too hard for male attention and undermines her friends in the process. It doesn’t matter what form or name the idea takes—it always carries the same undertone. Women will change every aspect of themselves to be the “cool girl”, and the juxtaposing reality of this is that men don’t even want it, “because ‘I like strong women’ is code for ‘I hate strong women’ ” (David Fincher, 2014). How can a girl possibly try to pretend to be what a man wants when that man is faking what he wants? When it comes to self-identity, we have lost authenticity to the fear of rejection. In a world where everyone’s faking something, how can you learn to spot “cool girl” characteristics in the wild?

She hides behind a curtain of feigned indifference. She doesn’t wear Versace slip dresses and strut down the block in strappy Manolos—She instead opts for oversized Balenciaga hoodies and Chrome Hearts sunglasses and thinks that wearing them automatically makes her better than you. She detests femininity. She loves to drink cheap beer and really loves for everyone to know that about her. Her favorite movie is The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), or Scarface (1993), or maybe even the super underground, not very well-known Pulp Fiction (1994). She dislikes Taylor Swift and the color pink. She distances herself from other women and prefers to hangout with her male friends because they just “don’t have as much drama.” She is a perfectly crafted caricature, a superficial projection of male desire. The problem is, there’s nothing wrong with liking Scarface (1993) and video games and cheap beer; plenty of women do. But when those preferences are overshadowed by the performative nature of the “cool girls”, it’s hard to tell who’s authentic and who’s just playing a part, and everyone drowns in the process. What we like or wear or watch as women shouldn’t have to be a fight and shouldn’t have to be performative. This is the Modern Age—It isn’t survival of the fittest, and it certainty isn’t survival of the coolest.

The question remains: What does it really mean to be cool? Is coolness appeasing others? Or is coolness recognizing the importance of embracing complexity in ourselves and our relationships? In navigating this world, the best option on the table is to be true to yourself. A real cool girl is one who is self-respecting, firm in her values, and doesn’t change any part of herself for anyone. She recognizes that people have different styles, belief systems, outlooks, and passions, and encourages everyone to pursue their own true path. She is a girl who is steadfast in who she is and what she wants. She can be “hot”, “game”, and “fun”- but also witty, kind, smart, and strong-willed. She wears whatever she likes and compliments the outfits of the girls around her. She stands up for herself and for others. She doesn’t allow anyone to speak down to her or make her feel small. She doesn’t compromise any part of herself for anyone else. And that sounds pretty cool to me.

Written by Lillian Glassmoyer, Photography: Chioma Chukwuemeka, Design: Diana Moraila, Social Media: Sadie Klement, Styling: Nicola Chukwuemeka, Event: Su Dikilitas

Anatomy of a Cool Girl