Chalant
The words “Non-chalant”, “cringe”, and “performative” come to mind when considering being overly excited or passionate about anything. It’s easy and almost encouraged to feel self-conscious about the idea of showing you care too much about anything. There seems to be an obsession with acting un-obsessed. What is it about being known for the things one enjoys that induces fear? Is it the idea of allowing oneself to be vulnerable? Is it outside pressures instilling preemptive embarrassment at the idea of being passionate?
Examples of this lie everywhere there is to look. Online, countless communities of hyperspecific interests exist. With the ease of creating anonymous accounts, otherwise ‘embarrassing’ interests now thrive in virtual communities. The want to be seen and the shame felt alongside it no longer have to fight for balance. It’s the transition from faceless accounts to personal interactions where the conflict seems to take form. Somewhere between speaking ardent thoughts into the world and attaching oneself as the source of those thoughts, a sense of humiliation overtakes the need to be heard and tips the scale towards shame. Is there a way to keep a careful balance? Surely, the transition from quiet enjoyment to joyous enlightenment is possible, but how?
Unbridled passion results in success; it's seen potently on social media. Those who choose the less taken path, who are unashamed of their interests, are pushed out in social media algorithms and take space in the public eye. Public figure Emma Chamberlain is often described as being ‘ahead of the curve.’ What marks her as distinct, however, is her willingness to do what no one else is doing, embrace her wants and ideas without a care for public reception. Starting as a vlogger out of high school, Chamberlain’s creative attempts at expressive fashion has led her all the way to Paris Fashion Week and The Met Gala. Famous Youtuber ‘Mr. Beast’ famously recorded himself counting to one hundred thousand in a video that now has over thirty-two million views. His determination to support himself through a creative outlet like Youtube pushed him to seemingly ridiculous lengths. But it’s this passion for Youtube that put him where he is today. In these so-admired examples, it's not the success that defines this as a superior way of living, but the magnetic nature of those who possess it. There is something alluring about an unabashed appreciation for life.
There seems to be only one solution to this dilemma: embrace it. It’s often the answer standing in plain sight that people choose to ignore–maybe because it’s the option they don’t want to be true. However, there is no antidote for shame. There is no cure for self loathing or magic answer for humiliation. In the way that being brave is defined as doing so in spite of fear, being freely passionate is doing so in spite of humiliation. To push past the hesitant doubt and proudly attach a voice of passion to one's name is the only way to truly enjoy one’s interests.
To recognize the idea of being “too much” as arbitrary is to set one free. Social standards vary greatly, even just among different friend groups. Yes, there exist some standardized, almost universal truths of social interaction. However, the majority of anxiety towards how one is perceived stems from irrational fears of committing the cardinal sin of embarrassment. There’s no shame in embarrassment by someone else's metric. To accept this understanding is an enlightening experience only few, unfortunately, understand.
The unachievable fixation on appearing effortless contributes to the learned shame in passion. To admit one has any emotional stake in something is almost to reveal a weak point. Passion, a combination of the strongest emotions, tends to be compartmentalized and hidden out of trepidation of vulnerability being exploited. There is no longer pride in devotion, only shame in enthusiasm. What does one gain from disguising themselves as unaffected? In refusing to let intensity be dulled, so many avenues of joy are opened. Full immersion in anything done is so much more rewarding than hesitantly trying at the fear of failing. Be passionate, start caring, live with fervor. Erase the commitment to neutrality. Be ‘chalant.’
Written by Reagan Hughes, Photography: Shivank Rana, Design: Alyson Juranek, Social Media: Veronica Pro, Styling: Nikolai Steen, Videography: Antonio Gutierrez